Well freaking out on the inside…to the rest of the world I’m cool as a cucumber. I just can’t believe I’m finally moving out! I’m both freakishly excited and overwhelmed with anxiety. I feel like I’m finally moving forward – I’ll no longer be underemployed, I’m going back to school, and I’ll have a place of my own. On the other hand – I’ll be living alone in a city where I don’t know any one, I’m not in the nursing program yet just admitted to a university, I haven’t found a place to live yet (that’s the big one), and I forgot to figure out how I’m paying for this second degree.
For the most part my joy outweighs my anxiety but during my anxiety attacks it’s hard to remember my joy. I never meant to move back home. I was the one who said that NO MATTER WHAT I wasn’t moving back in with my parents. I had plans – I got a job at an overnight camp the summer after college and I was just sooo sure that I would find a job during the summer. I should have seen how unrealistic that goal was when “the perfect job for me” at my alma mater didn’t work out, but I didn’t. And as the months rolled on and I remained unemployed I fell into a depression.
When the new year (2015) came I decided that I couldn’t just wallow in my depression and I knew that the best way to pull myself out of it would be earning my own money again. So I called up an old co-worker and got a retail job. I was underemployed but I found myself able to smile more with my part-time gig. Then a few months later I found full-time work as a secretary at a school. Children make my heart smile and although it’s not the job that I “should” have with my biology degree it makes me happy so I’m finishing up my second school year working at the school.
But now after 2 years of always having the comfort of home to fall back on as I struggled, I’m officially stepping out of the nest. Technically my new city is closer to my hometown than my college town was, but I’m taking a much larger step into independence. I’m trying to focus on the good but all of the unfinished details are freaking me out!
Thoughts of Release 