Reflection Caused By Death

Why does it take death to make us appreciative of what we have? Why don’t we take the time to reflect on our lives normally? Yesterday I found out that a girl my age died. Unfortunately I can’t describe her as a friend because I never had the pleasure of meeting her but she touched the lives of so many that I do know. Even though I didn’t know her personally, hearing of her sudden death made me very emotional. I struggled because I was faced with the idea that social media makes us feel like we remain connected with old friends but in reality we’ve lost our once close connection.

People that were my closest friends years ago were clearly filled with grief and I struggled to decide if it was okay for me to offer them consolation. I realized that it is very selfish for me to focus on how awkward I may feel and decided to send a casual message of comfort to some one who was once my best friend. He clearly appreciated the gesture and for a moment it was like the years of disconnect didn’t matter. I have come to think that somehow I am the only one who struggles with lost friendships. It seems like all of the friends I’ve lost, either from a falling out or just simply due to distance and time, just kept going on with their lives without our friendship. I on the other hand truly miss them and I have the good memories in constant replay in my mind. I don’t like that it’s almost impossible to keep up with friends no matter how hard you try. I hate that you naturally grow apart from some friends. And most of all I hate that social media gives us a false feeling of connection to friends who have truthfully become strangers.

Maybe it’s the rainy weather or the beginning of fall but I really feel like I’ve lost the best friends I could ask for and they cannot be replaced. Now no one pushes me to tell them how I’m really feeling. No one cares enough to just check in. I feel like no one needs me any more. I used to have friends that couldn’t go a day without talking to me and now few conversations occur with my friends unless I start them.